Wishcasting IV

What healing do you wish for?

I wish for healing from shame, self-doubt, self-hate and fear.

 

Everything You Need

                                               You have everything that you need.

This does not mean all your wishes have come true, desires are fulfilled and (if you are me) your favorite queens from Drag Race show up for your slumber party.

Look inside-you have everything you need to prepare for wishes or desires. Look at your skills.  Do you throw amazing parties? Make great to-do lists? Construct plans to get yourself functioning in the morning and get to work with lunch, book and good hair?

Even the smallest thing can be an asset. I have a great time baking and have been doing it since I was a little girl. I learned to read recipes ahead of time, make sure I had all the ingredients before commencing and through trying, figure out what I baked was going to be like.
I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year; this is not a happy regrouping of my life and it has not helped me Learn About Myself any more than any other experience.
I did learn that skills I had could help me function much better than I could have done without. I have learned to make lists in the morning, figure out priorities for the day and gravitate towards what helps me deal. (This actually came out of being very sleepy in the mornings at my former workplace; I knew I did not function well in the morning so-laid out clean clothes before bed, made sure I got good sleep (or some nights, as best as I could do), packed a lunch the night before and made sure my bag had a book for my lunch break. It was a lot of advanced prep, but it saved me on some days when it was very hard to wake up.)

You may have these skills. You may have other resources-a chosen family, a large (or small) friends group, manual skills, how to cook, how to do card tricks, a truck, how to do Excel or Powerpoint. We all have different ones.

Knowing you have everything you need helps you get what you wish and work for even when it just gets you through the day. A friend once said that getting through each day is a victory. Sometimes that is what one needs.

You can get there. You are stronger, faster. You have the technology. You have everything you need-learn how to use it and be proud of who you are.

Wishcasting IV

                                           Sylvia Rivera (right side in yellow)

                                       Marsha P. Johnson

 

             

Who do you wish to give (or send) a hug?

 

Thinking about this became thoughts about gratitude for me. These are the people I would like to hug today.

Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson fought at the Stonewall Riots in 1969 New York City where gay men, queens, lesbians and straight allies rioted and refused to cooperate with the police. This led to the Gay Liberation movement and to the visibility GBLTQ people currently have. There is still too much cruelty, hate and suffering for GBLTQ people in the United States, but these queens started a wave of social change by refusing to be treated as criminals for being gay or wearing drag.

I identify as a queer woman and it is to these people that I owe not having to pretend, lie or be afraid of myself. I am so grateful that they put themselves on the line and that it has helped GBLTQ people for decades-and centuries- to come.

I'd also like to hug RuPaul and say thank you. I first heard RuPaul when _Supermodel of the World_ came out and have always loved her attitude. _Drag Race_ showcases drag as an art form and supports the amazing creativity of the contestands, while inspiring many people. RuPaul's work with self-love is a treasure and got me through very hard times. Again, I am grateful. Thanks and hugs to every one.

Chop Nuts, Carry Pastry

I love sweets.
This is not a surprise; many Americans do as shown by the sheer quantity of places for sweets, types of sweets and thousands and thousandsof pounds of sugar consumed in the US each year.
I have noticed that as I have been working on mindfulness that my relationship to sweets has changed.

Heavily processed sweets no longer taste good to me (eg, there are very few American candy bars I like, with exceptions such as peanut butter cups and fresh bakery cupcakes with icing-with or without a holiday decoration on a little plastic spike). I have found myself looking for other types. I look locally and have found lovely treats like New Orleans snowballs, Mexican sugar cookies in coconut (not chocolate, just coconut) fudge in San Antonio and the unchanged, ever delicious Berger cookies in Baltimore with a swath of thick dark chocolate icing on top of a soft, vanilla cakelike cookie not unlike the cookie base in New York's black and white cookies. I love the Russian chocolates from my local Russian deli, Sticky Fingers' local vegan cupcakes and tiny soft caraway cookies at the Persian market-but even reputable ones such as Trader Joe's and Ben and Jerry's are not much of a pleasure to me now.

Around the blogosphere, there have been calls for austerity; throw away clutter, work towards empty shelves, bicycle, cut out sugar; while I am happy with ideas that help people lead better lives, I believe that we can be in right relationship and mindful of our sweets.

For a few months, at my apartment, we have had no ready prepared sweets--only ones we have baked, assembled or churned (or rather have had churned by a 21st c. ice cream maker). This was not Setting A Goal or a prepared simplification, it just happened. I love baking and like having it as part of the home, so I had been doing that and one of my sweeties had got an ice cream maker. It makes such a difference making one's own sweets. It is a reminder that sweets are work and do not actually just appear and I also think that it makes a difference in wanting-if one bakes brownies, it takes much longer to do and can make one redetermine what the exact need is that sweets would fill (and thinking about that may make someone able to find a root desire that might be surprising.

I find that there is a mindfulness to making sweets; once one is focused on caramel (for example) there can be nothing else in one's mind but stirring and stirring, focusing on the heat, the smell and the texture until it is done. It can be a meditative act and I have found that when stress hits, making cakes, chocolates or dough can be very comforting. It engages all my senses and keeps me focused on one thing at a time. The ritual of measuring, mixing, cooking and cleanup can be very peaceful.

I share a lot with friends(and coworkers and more). I  like that this particular manifestation of mindfulness goes out into the world to bring some pleasure and that it tastes delicious.

I realize this may not be an option or to everyone's taste due to health, dietary restrictions or personal preference, but for me it has been fascinating to watch this all unfold. If slow food is popular, I also champion the cause of slow, mindful sweets.

A Bit of Sparkle

                      (Why yes, I do love RuPaul's Drag Race. Don't you love Raja's hat?)

I was diagnosed with fibro around this time last year. There was a pileup of things that went wrong doctor-wise, working was and is not possible and I wound up stuck inside most of the time-and angry at myself for feeling sick instead of taking the time to do artful things.
You can't do that when you are sleepy and foggy and slow on meds. Some types of clothes hurt or are too uncomfortable. It was not a surprise that pajamas were one of my regular looks. I used to be very style conscious  and loved fashion...and there I was just aching in pain and wanting to sleep instead.

I wound up revived after watching RuPaul's Drag Race and realized that it meant so much to adorn myself. I started by leaving lip glosses around the house where I would go. Even if I was in pajamas, I'd add a little to my lips. It sparkled (literally) and it made me sparkle back.

I started getting dressed up a bit again; I could at least do a black skirt and a fun tee. When I didn't feel up to it, it was pajamas and lip gloss. That little bit made such a difference. Raja didn't care what other people thought of her drag (dovetailing nicely with current champion Sharon Needles). If Raja and Sharon and the other queens wore what they loved and didn't care what others thought-perhaps I could do that again.

I dress up comfortably and nicely when I go out. It lifts my spirits and that is half the battle. I put silk flowers in my hair, do up my eyes and put on gloss. There's a difference in me.
Even on a bad pain day, I can put on gloss and a comfortable lounging gown. I sparkle.

I think sparkle makes all the difference. Not everyone will see this the way I do-you may not present as femme, may not like makeup, any number of things. However, I encourage you to sparkle in what ways you like. Treat yourself and create yourself as art.

Wishcasting III

                           What do you wish to learn?

 

          I wish to learn how to stop feeling trapped about my past.

          It is very hard to let this go.

 

30 Poems in 30 days

                                       Dawn at Venice Beach, Los Angeles, CA USA

                                                 (photo by swazleigh on flickr)


Francesca Lia Block is having an event on her blog-writing 30 poems in 30 days, starting on August 18. I am going to give this a try-how about you?

Aum

                                           Egyptian Blue Lotus

I am back in the saddle (or more aptly, the zafu) again-am meditating every day and feel cautiously optimistic about it. For me, finding a daily practice has tended to be difficult-I have been eager to do everything once and show that I am a total aligned mental badass.

I am trying to sit down and be quiet with myself, to enjoy my breath and my body though neither are perfect, letting beauty and peace gently in, instead of trying to shove them in. It is a long task. Fortunately I have years to do it in. It all started with just five minutes.

I Am Wearing Purple Now

                                                           Anna Piaggi 1931-2012
                                                 Writer for Italian Vogue and fashion icon.


In 2008, the Victoria and Albert Museum dedicated an exhibition to her style, exhibiting pieces from her personal collection.  She was not a slave to fashion; she made it her art.
Be bold in what you wear-and you are never too old for what makes you happy.

(WERK!)

Wishcasting II

                                                       What do you wish to create?

                                                    An art show for my photography.


(NB: My photoblog is in my info, but some of them are NSFW.)

Om =the bee's knees

                                                     Activating the Glamour chakra.

The result of today's photography, which makes me happy.

Wishcasting I

What do you wish to experience?

Saying yes to things that push me out of my comfort zone and help me flourish.


As Caresse Crosby said: "When asked, I say yes."

(She rode an elephant topless to an artist's party, managed a small press and invented the bra among other things. I feel that all these different things are a fine example.)

In the Name of the Dance