Thursday, November 1, 2012

Wishcasting: What Treats Do You Wish For?


This is the beginning of the rest of my life; Samhain came and went so I am showing my creative nature by doing Wednesday Wishcasting on Thursday.

So, what treats do I wish for?

I always find this a more complex question than it seems to be on the surface-I myself have started it by saying what I wish for my friends. It is great and generous. However, when I stopped doing that I had to confront the fact that I was not letting myself know what I really wanted.
I think it is because of course you want to look your best and it is often expected and internalized that women will self-sacrifice and wish for others. It is kind and a good thing to do, but I think it important to be aware of your own wishes too.
 However, in consumer (US born, middle classish,  early 21st c) culture it seems to me that it is not as clever to want and name something, but it is okay to be swept away by it. (We are not even getting into gender details right now.)

So, what treats do I want?
(I know you have read a lot of these before, but they are still treats.)

Adventure, fun, home and love with my chosen family
[redacted]
Community with more self-discovery writers and artists
Spend a couple planned weeks in LA (art, amazing food (omg sushi, burritos and the Grilled Cheese Truck at the very least!), history, BPAL, Disneyland, finding holy places of old Hollywood, Hollywood Forever,  seeing old friends and those I might meet for the first time, Dark Delicacies, Venice Beach, the Dreamgirls revue, tattoo art and sunshine!)
An art show of my photography (at  La Luz de Jesus in LA-why not?)
More champagne in my life in general
Drive down the Pacific Coast Highway in a red convertible (will need to learn to drive. It will be worth it.)
Haus of Gloi bath goodies
BPAL perfume
Clohes from Gloomth.com (with frilly bloomers)
More heels I can walk in  (I did it over the weekend! Not perfect but I did it!)
Rhinestones-keep em coming!
Perform something I have created
Get something wild at Patricia Field
Jewels from Bloodmilk
Pretty journals
To runway model at least once
To attend Blogcademy with Gala Darling in NYC
To go see Sleep No More in NYC
Learn more about doing makeup (and I also want all of Too Faced's Holiday collection, just saying.)



...and okay. I really, really would love to meet Raja from RuPauls Drag Race.

I have spoken to probably broken record point about my love for RuPaul's Drag Race. I love so many of the queens (esp my dear witch-queen Sharon and  big hearted Mother Dust Chad Michaels and brave and beautiful Latrice Royale) but Raja is very special. I was in a dark time where I felt sick and couldn't do anything, useless because of my fibro, artistically dry, a horrible breakup-I started watching Drag Race and loved it.

Then I saw Raja and just clicked immediately. She didn't care what anyone else thought of her outfits, made everything she did a piece of art, created such amazing things and was brave enough to do all this in front of all these people.
(I had a therapist once. We were doing a job exercise where I told her something that went against all the other things I had wanted-how much I loved fashion, makeup, art and how I would love to do something that combined things.
She laughed in my face and said I wanted to be a wife-and my heart broke inside me. I hadn't told anyone else about this.
I couldn't talk about it to anyone for months.)

Raja woke me the fuck up.
Raja inspired me to feel gorgeous even when I was scared and didn't feel gorgeous, especially when I didn't feel gorgeous.
Raja inspired me to put on lip gloss every morning even if I felt awful.
Raja inspired me to say to hell with my sickness, I can still be sickening.
Raja inspired me to go for it, be brave and to hell with anyone who talked trash, to do my art, not anyone else's.
Raja taught me that you can love fashion and glamour and to hell with anyone who says it's demeaning.

I have a lot of people to thank for waking me up, I have a lot of support and inspiration  and love but Raja got me going and living again.

I have no idea if this will ever happen. People can be different from being on TV, get their personal space invaded all the time, get drained, be crabby and be, well a person. I get overwhelmed and I would not want to push that on somebody else...but yes, I would love to meet Raja.

I think I may need a bigger pumpkin.


Thursday, October 25, 2012

Wishcasting Thursday

(image from http://mr-cocacolapolarbear.tumblr.com/)

It is good to be back; I have had a long malingering ick, but am doing much better.

What do you wish to say yes to?


Photography. I want to get really good.
Meditation practice. I always do better when I do.
Using the time I have. I may have a chronic illness, but I need to rework things so I do something instead of staring into space or watching TV. The latter happens too much.
Feeling safe and having roots.
Things that may not even seem possible right now.

[redacted]

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Wishcasting Wednesday VIII

 (graphic from ThinkGeek.com t-shirt; the Chinese translates to "Never Give Up")

What do you wish to release?


I want to release my hold over injustices or unfairness done to me--not crimes, not miscommunication, but things that were genuinely unjust.
 It has been hard-these still sting after over a decade in some cases-because it was petty and I was vulnerable each time and it hurt. They are hard-there are times it is a process of letting go again and again.

I'll still remember and be aware-but I will let them go. If they come as a thought, I will notice them and let them go.

(As happy goes, I am glad to be back after a flu. That is a good thing.)

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Wishcasting VII

                                                    (art by Manythings)

What do you wish to do one day?

There are so many things it is hard to decide, but here are some that I feel like sharing since some are a bit too saucy:

*have a photo exhibition (eventually in NYC of course, but small steps.)

*Spend a few weeks in LA making art and hanging out (I love LA and I don't care who knows it-I'd like to be in WeHo or Silverlake.). I really want to see La Luz de Jesus Gallery, a drag show at Hamburger Mary's,  a BPAL will call day (open time for an amazing perfume shop), the parking lot with the elephant from DW Griffith's _Intolerance_ and the Museum of Jurassic Technology. Plus, cocktails and pool time are de riguer.

*Drive along the Pacific Coast Highway in a red convertible. (This actually got suggested to me on an online site-it was cool and it pushed me out of my comfort zone. I will have to learn to drive, but I think it could be worth it)

*Have a great home with my chosen poly family celebrating, doing fun events and caring for each other.

*Runway model. D/k what it might be for, but I want the chance to stomp that runway.

*Be a performer of some kind

*Learn to draw

That's what I can think of for right now. There will be more wonderful ones too.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Wishcasting VI




What do you wish to reflect on?

 

Today=Good Fortune

 

I am lucky enough to have a wonderful chosen family where I can live as poly and queer and not have to hide it from anyone, where people will be there for me, care for me and I can care for them and share myself in supportive ways.

I am lucky enough to have a warm, safe home.

I am also lucky to know I can have all the books I will need. When I was a little girl, I counted that as truly being rich.

 

My chosen family brings all these together; all I can say is that I am lucky beyond all words.

 

 

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Review: The Collective Tarot

 During the past few years, I have been doing a lot of self-love work; it came to a head with my health issues. I'd always needed to deal with it, began to do the work and am now here. I knew almost no resources for this and I wanted to find ones where there could be space for me, where I would not feel marginalized.
 I would love to share what I know about these works in the hope that you might find something to lift your spirits or help you along.

In my work, I like to use Tarot cards, runes or other decks to kick my mind into making new connections and ideas; I find it inspirational. The most recent deck I have used is The Collective Tarot.


This deck has been a wonderful surprise. It is published by the Tarot Collective in Portland, OR and its focus is on inclusion of queer culture, visibility of people of color, the disabled and ideas and concepts not visible on other decks.



The Collective Tarot succeds brilliantly. A great deal of work has gone into the cards and the thought behind them. As for inclusion, all I can say is "Inclusion: You're Doing It Right." There are images of all shapes, sizes, types, ethnicities and sexualities and it does not feel shoehorned in, tokenized or pasted over a regular tarot format. It is excellent as well as a phenomenal accomplishment.

The four suits have been reviewed as Bones, Bottles, Feathers and Keys noted as objects that one can find in an urban setting and some of the Major Arcana have been renamed and remodeled to fit the objective for the deck. Those show considerable thought and resonance-I always find it risky when a deck changes those, but these work at incorporating the idea of the card as well as its current representation.


It is a pleasure to work with The Collective Tarot; the cards have a great deal of insight and are open to many interpretations and ideas. I currently use it for readings but it would work great as a daily draw or for meditative purposes. As far as self-love works, The Collective Tarot is especially beneficial because of its wide representation of people, gender and sexualities since it is likely that there is someone like you within it. I find it feels very warm, wise and comforting. I highly recommend it.

The Collective Tarot can be purchased here for $25.

NB: As always, any book or product is never a substitute for professional help. I am not trained in medicine or psychology and I make no such claims about this product. Unless otherwise stated, this was purchased by me and not a gift or review copy. Management not responsible for ball failure.



Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Wishcasting V

                            

          What step do you wish to take?

                        I want to learn to walk in heels again.

 I used to love heels. I had patent goth boots with a huge platform and chunky heel that I could run in.

I moved. I never went out anymore. I got a sprained ankle. No health insurance, but it healed up. 

I gave up. I went to the office and wore flats and Mary Janes and forgot what it was like to stomp around, feel grounded, strong and fabulous.

I have some awesome flats and boots. I love them. But I want heels.

I tried it this year. I wobble. But it worked. Now I want it gorgeous.

My plan-I have a pair of kitten heels to wear around the house and I am going to *practice*. I want to get back to that stompy proudness again.

 

                               

 

Monday, September 3, 2012

Full Moon August 2012

                                         Collage by Jessica Melusine

There is a lot in this one; I was thinking about passing through the Underworld, reaching out for beauty, messages and ideas from the deep spaces inside my thoughts.

The cat girls are psychopomps.
There is gltter.
That's what I want to share right now.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Wishcasting IV


What healing do you wish for?

I wish for healing from shame, self-doubt, self-hate and fear.

 

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Everything You Need







                                               You have everything that you need.

This does not mean all your wishes have come true, desires are fulfilled and (if you are me) your favorite queens from Drag Race show up for your slumber party.

Look inside-you have everything you need to prepare for wishes or desires. Look at your skills.  Do you throw amazing parties? Make great to-do lists? Construct plans to get yourself functioning in the morning and get to work with lunch, book and good hair?

Even the smallest thing can be an asset. I have a great time baking and have been doing it since I was a little girl. I learned to read recipes ahead of time, make sure I had all the ingredients before commencing and through trying, figure out what I baked was going to be like.
I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year; this is not a happy regrouping of my life and it has not helped me Learn About Myself any more than any other experience.
I did learn that skills I had could help me function much better than I could have done without. I have learned to make lists in the morning, figure out priorities for the day and gravitate towards what helps me deal. (This actually came out of being very sleepy in the mornings at my former workplace; I knew I did not function well in the morning so-laid out clean clothes before bed, made sure I got good sleep (or some nights, as best as I could do), packed a lunch the night before and made sure my bag had a book for my lunch break. It was a lot of advanced prep, but it saved me on some days when it was very hard to wake up.)

You may have these skills. You may have other resources-a chosen family, a large (or small) friends group, manual skills, how to cook, how to do card tricks, a truck, how to do Excel or Powerpoint. We all have different ones.

Knowing you have everything you need helps you get what you wish and work for even when it just gets you through the day. A friend once said that getting through each day is a victory. Sometimes that is what one needs.

You can get there. You are stronger, faster. You have the technology. You have everything you need-learn how to use it and be proud of who you are.


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Wishcasting IV

                                           Sylvia Rivera (right side in yellow)

                                       Marsha P. Johnson

             

Who do you wish to give (or send) a hug?

 

Thinking about this became thoughts about gratitude for me. These are the people I would like to hug today.

Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson fought at the Stonewall Riots in 1969 New York City where gay men, queens, lesbians and straight allies rioted and refused to cooperate with the police. This led to the Gay Liberation movement and to the visibility GBLTQ people currently have. There is still too much cruelty, hate and suffering for GBLTQ people in the United States, but these queens started a wave of social change by refusing to be treated as criminals for being gay or wearing drag.

I identify as a queer woman and it is to these people that I owe not having to pretend, lie or be afraid of myself. I am so grateful that they put themselves on the line and that it has helped GBLTQ people for decades-and centuries- to come.

I'd also like to hug RuPaul and say thank you. I first heard RuPaul when _Supermodel of the World_ came out and have always loved her attitude. _Drag Race_ showcases drag as an art form and supports the amazing creativity of the contestands, while inspiring many people. RuPaul's work with self-love is a treasure and got me through very hard times. Again, I am grateful. Thanks and hugs to every one.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Chop Nuts, Carry Pastry



I love sweets.
This is not a surprise; many Americans do as shown by the sheer quantity of places for sweets, types of sweets and thousands and thousandsof pounds of sugar consumed in the US each year.
I have noticed that as I have been working on mindfulness that my relationship to sweets has changed.

Heavily processed sweets no longer taste good to me (eg, there are very few American candy bars I like, with exceptions such as peanut butter cups and fresh bakery cupcakes with icing-with or without a holiday decoration on a little plastic spike). I have found myself looking for other types. I look locally and have found lovely treats like New Orleans snowballs, Mexican sugar cookies in coconut (not chocolate, just coconut) fudge in San Antonio and the unchanged, ever delicious Berger cookies in Baltimore with a swath of thick dark chocolate icing on top of a soft, vanilla cakelike cookie not unlike the cookie base in New York's black and white cookies. I love the Russian chocolates from my local Russian deli, Sticky Fingers' local vegan cupcakes and tiny soft caraway cookies at the Persian market-but even reputable ones such as Trader Joe's and Ben and Jerry's are not much of a pleasure to me now.

Around the blogosphere, there have been calls for austerity; throw away clutter, work towards empty shelves, bicycle, cut out sugar; while I am happy with ideas that help people lead better lives, I believe that we can be in right relationship and mindful of our sweets.

For a few months, at my apartment, we have had no ready prepared sweets--only ones we have baked, assembled or churned (or rather have had churned by a 21st c. ice cream maker). This was not Setting A Goal or a prepared simplification, it just happened. I love baking and like having it as part of the home, so I had been doing that and one of my sweeties had got an ice cream maker. It makes such a difference making one's own sweets. It is a reminder that sweets are work and do not actually just appear and I also think that it makes a difference in wanting-if one bakes brownies, it takes much longer to do and can make one redetermine what the exact need is that sweets would fill (and thinking about that may make someone able to find a root desire that might be surprising.

I find that there is a mindfulness to making sweets; once one is focused on caramel (for example) there can be nothing else in one's mind but stirring and stirring, focusing on the heat, the smell and the texture until it is done. It can be a meditative act and I have found that when stress hits, making cakes, chocolates or dough can be very comforting. It engages all my senses and keeps me focused on one thing at a time. The ritual of measuring, mixing, cooking and cleanup can be very peaceful.

I share a lot with friends(and coworkers and more). I  like that this particular manifestation of mindfulness goes out into the world to bring some pleasure and that it tastes delicious.

I realize this may not be an option or to everyone's taste due to health, dietary restrictions or personal preference, but for me it has been fascinating to watch this all unfold. If slow food is popular, I also champion the cause of slow, mindful sweets.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

A Bit of Sparkle







                      (Why yes, I do love RuPaul's Drag Race. Don't you love Raja's hat?)

I was diagnosed with fibro around this time last year. There was a pileup of things that went wrong doctor-wise, working was and is not possible and I wound up stuck inside most of the time-and angry at myself for feeling sick instead of taking the time to do artful things.
You can't do that when you are sleepy and foggy and slow on meds. Some types of clothes hurt or are too uncomfortable. It was not a surprise that pajamas were one of my regular looks. I used to be very style conscious  and loved fashion...and there I was just aching in pain and wanting to sleep instead.

I wound up revived after watching RuPaul's Drag Race and realized that it meant so much to adorn myself. I started by leaving lip glosses around the house where I would go. Even if I was in pajamas, I'd add a little to my lips. It sparkled (literally) and it made me sparkle back.

I started getting dressed up a bit again; I could at least do a black skirt and a fun tee. When I didn't feel up to it, it was pajamas and lip gloss. That little bit made such a difference. Raja didn't care what other people thought of her drag (dovetailing nicely with current champion Sharon Needles). If Raja and Sharon and the other queens wore what they loved and didn't care what others thought-perhaps I could do that again.

I dress up comfortably and nicely when I go out. It lifts my spirits and that is half the battle. I put silk flowers in my hair, do up my eyes and put on gloss. There's a difference in me.
Even on a bad pain day, I can put on gloss and a comfortable lounging gown. I sparkle.

I think sparkle makes all the difference. Not everyone will see this the way I do-you may not present as femme, may not like makeup, any number of things. However, I encourage you to sparkle in what ways you like. Treat yourself and create yourself as art.





Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Wishcasting III

                           What do you wish to learn?

 

          I wish to learn how to stop feeling trapped about my past.

          It is very hard to let this go.

 



Tuesday, August 14, 2012

30 Poems in 30 days





                                       Dawn at Venice Beach, Los Angeles, CA USA

                                                 (photo by swazleigh on flickr)


Francesca Lia Block is having an event on her blog-writing 30 poems in 30 days, starting on August 18. I am going to give this a try-how about you?

Aum

                                           Egyptian Blue Lotus

I am back in the saddle (or more aptly, the zafu) again-am meditating every day and feel cautiously optimistic about it. For me, finding a daily practice has tended to be difficult-I have been eager to do everything once and show that I am a total aligned mental badass.

I am trying to sit down and be quiet with myself, to enjoy my breath and my body though neither are perfect, letting beauty and peace gently in, instead of trying to shove them in. It is a long task. Fortunately I have years to do it in. It all started with just five minutes.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

I Am Wearing Purple Now




                                                           Anna Piaggi 1931-2012
                                                 Writer for Italian Vogue and fashion icon.


In 2008, the Victoria and Albert Museum dedicated an exhibition to her style, exhibiting pieces from her personal collection.  She was not a slave to fashion; she made it her art.
Be bold in what you wear-and you are never too old for what makes you happy.

(WERK!)

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Wishcasting II

                                                       What do you wish to create?

                                                    An art show for my photography.


(NB: My photoblog is in my info, but some of them are NSFW.)

Monday, August 6, 2012

Om =the bee's knees

                                                     Activating the Glamour chakra.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Wishcasting I

What do you wish to experience?

Saying yes to things that push me out of my comfort zone and help me flourish.


As Caresse Crosby said: "When asked, I say yes."

(She rode an elephant topless to an artist's party, managed a small press and invented the bra among other things. I feel that all these different things are a fine example.)

In the Name of the Dance