Whip It Into Shape

Happy 2013, friends.
(Of course, there is a Raja

Around this time of year, people are still trying resolutions.

I do this a little differently; I have goals and I start small. If I don't do it once, I pick it up and do it again.

Example: I have chronic pain. My goal for the next 3 months is to do sun salutations. My bigger goal is to get to yoga 3-4 times a week. (I am also hoping this can reduce some of my meds, but I digress.)

Today's mind dialogue: "I hurt." WE ARE PUTTING OUT THIS MAT. "Who cares?" YOU DO.
"I can't do it, I hurt and nobody cares." SIT ON THE MAT AND BREATHE UNTIL YOU CAN. PEOPLE DO CARE. *breathing* *stretching* *one set of sun salutations* "OMG I DID IT!"
THAT'S RIGHT. SEE YOU AT MEDITATION.

A great teacher once said about writing blocks: "Can you write a paragraph? If you can't, write a sentence. "Can you write a word?"If you can't, can you put out a piece of paper  or a computer file."


A bit ago, I had an empty document. Now, here I am with a blog post. Not perfect, but there.

Happy New Year.

Wishcasting: What Treats Do You Wish For?

This is the beginning of the rest of my life; Samhain came and went so I am showing my creative nature by doing Wednesday Wishcasting on Thursday.

So, what treats do I wish for?

I always find this a more complex question than it seems to be on the surface-I myself have started it by saying what I wish for my friends. It is great and generous. However, when I stopped doing that I had to confront the fact that I was not letting myself know what I really wanted.
I think it is because of course you want to look your best and it is often expected and internalized that women will self-sacrifice and wish for others. It is kind and a good thing to do, but I think it important to be aware of your own wishes too.
 However, in consumer (US born, middle classish,  early 21st c) culture it seems to me that it is not as clever to want and name something, but it is okay to be swept away by it. (We are not even getting into gender details right now.)

So, what treats do I want?
(I know you have read a lot of these before, but they are still treats.)

Adventure, fun, home and love with my chosen family
[redacted]
Community with more self-discovery writers and artists
Spend a couple planned weeks in LA (art, amazing food (omg sushi, burritos and the Grilled Cheese Truck at the very least!), history, BPAL, Disneyland, finding holy places of old Hollywood, Hollywood Forever,  seeing old friends and those I might meet for the first time, Dark Delicacies, Venice Beach, the Dreamgirls revue, tattoo art and sunshine!)
An art show of my photography (at  La Luz de Jesus in LA-why not?)
More champagne in my life in general
Drive down the Pacific Coast Highway in a red convertible (will need to learn to drive. It will be worth it.)
Haus of Gloi bath goodies
BPAL perfume
Clohes from Gloomth.com (with frilly bloomers)
More heels I can walk in  (I did it over the weekend! Not perfect but I did it!)
Rhinestones-keep em coming!
Perform something I have created
Get something wild at Patricia Field
Jewels from Bloodmilk
Pretty journals
To runway model at least once
To attend Blogcademy with Gala Darling in NYC
To go see Sleep No More in NYC
Learn more about doing makeup (and I also want all of Too Faced's Holiday collection, just saying.)

...and okay. I really, really would love to meet Raja from RuPauls Drag Race.

I have spoken to probably broken record point about my love for RuPaul's Drag Race. I love so many of the queens (esp my dear witch-queen Sharon and  big hearted Mother Dust Chad Michaels and brave and beautiful Latrice Royale) but Raja is very special. I was in a dark time where I felt sick and couldn't do anything, useless because of my fibro, artistically dry, a horrible breakup-I started watching Drag Race and loved it.

Then I saw Raja and just clicked immediately. She didn't care what anyone else thought of her outfits, made everything she did a piece of art, created such amazing things and was brave enough to do all this in front of all these people.
(I had a therapist once. We were doing a job exercise where I told her something that went against all the other things I had wanted-how much I loved fashion, makeup, art and how I would love to do something that combined things.
She laughed in my face and said I wanted to be a wife-and my heart broke inside me. I hadn't told anyone else about this.
I couldn't talk about it to anyone for months.)

Raja woke me the fuck up.
Raja inspired me to feel gorgeous even when I was scared and didn't feel gorgeous, especially when I didn't feel gorgeous.
Raja inspired me to put on lip gloss every morning even if I felt awful.
Raja inspired me to say to hell with my sickness, I can still be sickening.
Raja inspired me to go for it, be brave and to hell with anyone who talked trash, to do my art, not anyone else's.
Raja taught me that you can love fashion and glamour and to hell with anyone who says it's demeaning.

I have a lot of people to thank for waking me up, I have a lot of support and inspiration  and love but Raja got me going and living again.

I have no idea if this will ever happen. People can be different from being on TV, get their personal space invaded all the time, get drained, be crabby and be, well a person. I get overwhelmed and I would not want to push that on somebody else...but yes, I would love to meet Raja.

I think I may need a bigger pumpkin.

Wishcasting Thursday

(image from http://mr-cocacolapolarbear.tumblr.com/)

It is good to be back; I have had a long malingering ick, but am doing much better.

What do you wish to say yes to?


Photography. I want to get really good.
Meditation practice. I always do better when I do.
Using the time I have. I may have a chronic illness, but I need to rework things so I do something instead of staring into space or watching TV. The latter happens too much.
Feeling safe and having roots.
Things that may not even seem possible right now.

[redacted]

Wishcasting Wednesday VIII

 (graphic from ThinkGeek.com t-shirt; the Chinese translates to "Never Give Up")

What do you wish to release?


I want to release my hold over injustices or unfairness done to me--not crimes, not miscommunication, but things that were genuinely unjust.
 It has been hard-these still sting after over a decade in some cases-because it was petty and I was vulnerable each time and it hurt. They are hard-there are times it is a process of letting go again and again.

I'll still remember and be aware-but I will let them go. If they come as a thought, I will notice them and let them go.

(As happy goes, I am glad to be back after a flu. That is a good thing.)

Wishcasting VII

                                                    (art by Manythings)

What do you wish to do one day?

There are so many things it is hard to decide, but here are some that I feel like sharing since some are a bit too saucy:

*have a photo exhibition (eventually in NYC of course, but small steps.)

*Spend a few weeks in LA making art and hanging out (I love LA and I don't care who knows it-I'd like to be in WeHo or Silverlake.). I really want to see La Luz de Jesus Gallery, a drag show at Hamburger Mary's,  a BPAL will call day (open time for an amazing perfume shop), the parking lot with the elephant from DW Griffith's _Intolerance_ and the Museum of Jurassic Technology. Plus, cocktails and pool time are de riguer.

*Drive along the Pacific Coast Highway in a red convertible. (This actually got suggested to me on an online site-it was cool and it pushed me out of my comfort zone. I will have to learn to drive, but I think it could be worth it)

*Have a great home with my chosen poly family celebrating, doing fun events and caring for each other.

*Runway model. D/k what it might be for, but I want the chance to stomp that runway.

*Be a performer of some kind

*Learn to draw

That's what I can think of for right now. There will be more wonderful ones too.

Wishcasting VI

What do you wish to reflect on?

 

Today=Good Fortune

 

I am lucky enough to have a wonderful chosen family where I can live as poly and queer and not have to hide it from anyone, where people will be there for me, care for me and I can care for them and share myself in supportive ways.

I am lucky enough to have a warm, safe home.

I am also lucky to know I can have all the books I will need. When I was a little girl, I counted that as truly being rich.

 

My chosen family brings all these together; all I can say is that I am lucky beyond all words.

 

 

Review: The Collective Tarot

 During the past few years, I have been doing a lot of self-love work; it came to a head with my health issues. I'd always needed to deal with it, began to do the work and am now here. I knew almost no resources for this and I wanted to find ones where there could be space for me, where I would not feel marginalized.
 I would love to share what I know about these works in the hope that you might find something to lift your spirits or help you along.

In my work, I like to use Tarot cards, runes or other decks to kick my mind into making new connections and ideas; I find it inspirational. The most recent deck I have used is The Collective Tarot.

This deck has been a wonderful surprise. It is published by the Tarot Collective in Portland, OR and its focus is on inclusion of queer culture, visibility of people of color, the disabled and ideas and concepts not visible on other decks.

The Collective Tarot succeds brilliantly. A great deal of work has gone into the cards and the thought behind them. As for inclusion, all I can say is "Inclusion: You're Doing It Right." There are images of all shapes, sizes, types, ethnicities and sexualities and it does not feel shoehorned in, tokenized or pasted over a regular tarot format. It is excellent as well as a phenomenal accomplishment.

The four suits have been reviewed as Bones, Bottles, Feathers and Keys noted as objects that one can find in an urban setting and some of the Major Arcana have been renamed and remodeled to fit the objective for the deck. Those show considerable thought and resonance-I always find it risky when a deck changes those, but these work at incorporating the idea of the card as well as its current representation.

It is a pleasure to work with The Collective Tarot; the cards have a great deal of insight and are open to many interpretations and ideas. I currently use it for readings but it would work great as a daily draw or for meditative purposes. As far as self-love works, The Collective Tarot is especially beneficial because of its wide representation of people, gender and sexualities since it is likely that there is someone like you within it. I find it feels very warm, wise and comforting. I highly recommend it.

The Collective Tarot can be purchased here for $25.

NB: As always, any book or product is never a substitute for professional help. I am not trained in medicine or psychology and I make no such claims about this product. Unless otherwise stated, this was purchased by me and not a gift or review copy. Management not responsible for ball failure.